Saturday, August 20, 2005
A forum for your life with a Japanese spouse.
As a long time foreign spouse (with a Japanese spouse for my “other half”) I would like to hear from others who have a similar background. It doesn’t matter if you’re a “long time” spouse like me or if you’ve only had a Japanese spouse for a little while.
What are your thoughts on marrying a Japanese – now that you’ve actually been there, done that? Are you glad you did? Wish you hadn’t? Thinking of changing? Or, anything else you’d like to say on the subject?
Where do you live in Japan and why did you choose to live there?
What about kids – got any? Here or grown up & living away from Japan?
How’s your language ability? Or your spouse’s language ability? Do you each speak the other’s language with no problems, a few problems, or is it more of “What? I can’t understand anything you say.”
What are the joys, or the trials, or the interesting bits about having a non-your nationality (or ethnic group) spouse?
Speak on up – this is your forum for letting it all hang out.
What are your thoughts on marrying a Japanese – now that you’ve actually been there, done that? Are you glad you did? Wish you hadn’t? Thinking of changing? Or, anything else you’d like to say on the subject?
Where do you live in Japan and why did you choose to live there?
What about kids – got any? Here or grown up & living away from Japan?
How’s your language ability? Or your spouse’s language ability? Do you each speak the other’s language with no problems, a few problems, or is it more of “What? I can’t understand anything you say.”
What are the joys, or the trials, or the interesting bits about having a non-your nationality (or ethnic group) spouse?
Speak on up – this is your forum for letting it all hang out.
Comments:
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Like “samcam” I too wonder what life would have been like had I remained in the USA and / or married an American. I did have American girlfriends prior to first coming to Japan way back in the late 1960s, but from that point on my girlfriends – and of course, my wife – were all Japanese.
Would I marry a Japanese again? Also, like samcam I might, but also like him, I also like him I find the Chinese women attractive and I have lived in other countries with other races. Each has their good points and I think we become “used to” and/or attracted to those features and qualities over time.
We also know many couples who are mixed marriage couples and over the years I have found that most of the people we tend to become good friends with are in a similar situation, i.e., a western (not necessarily American) husband and a Japanese wife. Of course, in our case, many of them are here in Japan and like us are long time residents of Japan. However, even when we lived in the USA and other countries we tended to be closest to those who were of similar marital status and the people we have remained closest to over the years are those people.
We also know people whose mixed marriages haven’t made it over the rough parts, but we also know many who have overcome whatever difficulties there are. It takes a bit – sometimes a lot – of patience and of course, it also takes some of those fights / arguments that you’ve mentioned, but that’s true in all marriages, mixed or not.
Most of the children of the mixed couples we know do tend to be bright kids. There may be something in what I’ve heard and read about the mixture bringing out the smarter traits, but perhaps that also has to do with the Japanese mothers – they may tend to push the kids harder to learn and study then a more “typical” American mother.
The fact that you have made the effort to learn Japanese and that you use it at home is, in my opinion, a big plus. Not only does it help your kids understand and learn Japanese, and probably makes your wife & her family happy, it also gives you a way to talk to each other when you are out & about (shopping for example) and you don’t necessarily want the others around you to eavesdrop on your conversation (of course, given where you live, you may have to be careful about that as there may be more Japanese speakers around).
Let’s hope others hear about this forum / blog & that we get more opinions and feedback.
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Would I marry a Japanese again? Also, like samcam I might, but also like him, I also like him I find the Chinese women attractive and I have lived in other countries with other races. Each has their good points and I think we become “used to” and/or attracted to those features and qualities over time.
We also know many couples who are mixed marriage couples and over the years I have found that most of the people we tend to become good friends with are in a similar situation, i.e., a western (not necessarily American) husband and a Japanese wife. Of course, in our case, many of them are here in Japan and like us are long time residents of Japan. However, even when we lived in the USA and other countries we tended to be closest to those who were of similar marital status and the people we have remained closest to over the years are those people.
We also know people whose mixed marriages haven’t made it over the rough parts, but we also know many who have overcome whatever difficulties there are. It takes a bit – sometimes a lot – of patience and of course, it also takes some of those fights / arguments that you’ve mentioned, but that’s true in all marriages, mixed or not.
Most of the children of the mixed couples we know do tend to be bright kids. There may be something in what I’ve heard and read about the mixture bringing out the smarter traits, but perhaps that also has to do with the Japanese mothers – they may tend to push the kids harder to learn and study then a more “typical” American mother.
The fact that you have made the effort to learn Japanese and that you use it at home is, in my opinion, a big plus. Not only does it help your kids understand and learn Japanese, and probably makes your wife & her family happy, it also gives you a way to talk to each other when you are out & about (shopping for example) and you don’t necessarily want the others around you to eavesdrop on your conversation (of course, given where you live, you may have to be careful about that as there may be more Japanese speakers around).
Let’s hope others hear about this forum / blog & that we get more opinions and feedback.
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